Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
