sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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