you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
