I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think my mom watched the whole time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
