dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
