i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
