She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
