I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
