She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
