what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
