Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
