dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
