Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
