Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
