I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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