A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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