screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
