i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
These tits shall not be calmed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
