You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
