i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
