im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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