sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
