could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
