Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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