I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I party with great urgency now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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