I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
