id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
