It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
