Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
