Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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