i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
