you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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