redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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