its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of course I have a pirate flag
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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