maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
