I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
