Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
