Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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