I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
