maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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