MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
