i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
