Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
