your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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