Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
