I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
