My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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