apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This house was built for laser tag.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
that is very illegal...i love you.
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