dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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