It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Every concussion has its silver lining
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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