my sisters under your porch take her home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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