On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
