She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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