He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
